The Panel Awards – An Award For The Un-Awardable

This week The Panel award goes to the original thieving, drug carrying, frost-bitten, itchy balled tailor who invented The Pocket.

Before the invention of The Pocket, gentlemen used to have to carry everything with them (unless they had some sort of slave/handbag on legs/human toilet) in their hands. One would have had to have been a juggler to have carried all that one would have had to carry: Snuff box, dainty hanky, face powder, dueling glove, syphilis and a beauty spot. Hands full!

Contrary to what you may think, the pocket was not modeled off the Kangaroo’s pouch. It was modeled off a dagger accident. A man forgot he wasn’t wearing a scabbard for his dagger and plunged his dagger where he thought his dagger was and created the first ever pocket. He subsequently bled to death, but human endeavor is filled with stories like this.

Since it’s invention the pocket has been the storage method of choice for most men and women – carrying all the things that we need to get through life. Wallets, phones (unless you are one of those awful cunts that have affixed their mobile to their belts like you are a retarded Batman whose super-ability is telling shit stories about that time you got drunk on conference and fell asleep in the MD’s bed WITH HIM!!!!!), keys, notes excusing us from PE, condoms, (the coin pocket), drugs (you find after you have arrived home from international air travel), a napkin that has been put through the wash, a leaking pen and a toothpick that you find by putting your hand into your pocket and having it stab up in between you finger and your nail.

Brilliant.

So here is the Panel Award inventor of the pocket - I would put my hands together for a round of applause but I have a hole in one of my pockets… and my hands are bit busy. I’m about to sink the 8 Ball.