The Bruce Willis Is The Comb Over For The Year 2009 - And The Rise Of THE COMET

Going bald is not the easiest thing for a man to face. It seems to change the shape of your head and for some reason women don’t go for bald dudes. There’s something in their genetic make up (which is not the same as genetic makeup – a woman with naturally red lips) that makes woman go for guys with hairy heads. I guess way back when our species was going through our awkward teenaged years there must have been some benefit for having a hairy dome-piece (maybe brain warmth). But in saying that out whole bodies were hairy and that is something that only a certain type of gay dude likes these days.

So without doing any research at all I am going to say that women like men with a full head of hair because most movie stars have a full head of hair and we as a society have been bullied into an aesthetic that we haven’t really had a say in and leave it there. 

There are always exceptions though. Ladies - Bruce Willis. 

He went through the various stages of his baldness and he was still humping Kutchers missus for the longest time back before she had to put a clothes peg on the back of her neck to keep her face from falling in her soup (to be fair she dumped him when he went FULL chrome. maybe it was just another mirror for her to see her fading looks in  - but a curved one that made her look grotesque and mocking.)

 So a lot of bald guys went for the Willis and just shaved the rest of it off. Seemed reasonable. Andre Agassi. Kelly Slater, that sexy guy who fetches the trolleys at Sainsbury’s in Camden to name three. But then this – “Shaving all your hair off is the comb over of the 2009.”  We all know what a comb over is. A way of crudely disguising what you don’t have. A dishonesty. And when you think about it, the Willis is a bit of an exercise in bullshit.

 So where does that leave the folic ally retarded? I think I have the answer.

 Ladies and gentlemen: THE COMET!

THE COMET is bald at the top and long at the back. Called THE COMET because it makes your dome look like a fast celestial streaker with a tail of space matter and lust gleaming behind it. It makes you look like you live life in a wind-tunnel with out paperweights to hold down you council tax bill etc. Dangerous.

I want to encourage men with pattern baldness to let THE COMET grow so it may scorch through our streets proudly and file the Willis under DONE – please email me any COMET sightings and I’ll post them here in observatory to blaze a trail for the guys who are watching their hair fall out in the shower and give them some hope… in lieu of pussy.